Kelle Sparta is a Thought Alchemist and Transformational Shaman who helps women get comfortable in their skin from the boardroom to the bedroom. She supports people in dropping the “shoulds” and stepping fully into the most authentic expression of who they are so that they can finally claim their power and place in the world.

"Safe" Man“Safe” Isn’t Sexy or Trustworthy

So many of the men that occupy the world of the “more evolved male” are really attached to being “safe space” for the women in their lives.  And I can respect that.   I can see that there is value to having a safe masculine presence in the room.

But as a powerful woman, I have to say:
I have never really trusted those “safe” men.

Instead, I’ve placed my faith in those men who I knew might hurt me in the process of speaking their truths, but I knew they would always speak their truths anyway.  And that’s what made me trust them.  You see, when a man isn’t attached to being “safe space”, he’ll tell you his desires, even if they are a little out of the box or not-P.C.  He’ll let you know that he’s attracted to another woman even if it makes you scared that you might lose him.  He’ll give you a reality check you when you’ve gone completely off the rails.  This is someone I can respect, someone I know won’t surprise me with something he’s been keeping a secret to avoid “hurting” me.

You Can’t Have My Back If You Don’t Have Your Power

These other men also know their own power because they’ve explored it, engaged it, embraced it.  And when they know their power, I know I can trust them to have my back.  I don’t need a man to protect me from himself, which is what these “safe” men are doing.  I’ve made a good choice in who I associate with – I don’t need protecting.  If I find you unacceptable, I know where the door is.  What I DO need is a man who will have my back when the world gets me down.  And that’s a man who knows his own power.

You’re Courting a Goddess But You’re Treating Me Like a Damsel In Distress

I’ve found my own power, I’m not a delicate thing that could break at any moment.  That’s why you’re attracted to me – I don’t remind you of all the victims/damsels in distress that have made you feel bad about yourself for being a man.  And yet, you’re still treating me as though I am one of those women.  I’m not going to break if you give me a hard truth.  I’m not going to fall apart if I have to support you through a tough challenge.  In fact, I LOVE doing that.  But instead you treat me like a potential victim – and it just pisses me off.  It pisses me off that you don’t see my strength.  It pisses me off that you think you could break me.  It pisses me off that you’re pretending that I don’t have the power that I clearly hold in my hands right now.

But I Get It

I get that you’ve been trained to see women this way.  It’s a stereotype that I’ve had to break for myself over and over again.  I get that your concern comes out of love and not out of a desire to take my power from me.  I get that you are afraid of your maleness and what it might do.  I get that your power feels dangerous to you – it felt that way to me too when I first picked it up.  And that’s because it is dangerous.

Power Is Dangerous… And Sexy

Your power, your wild animal self (not the same thing but one lets you access the other) is a dangerous creature.  Without a heart-connection to temper it, it can do great damage (and sometimes even with the heart connection it can do damage).  But what is life worth if we don’t take a risk together?  Why bother living if we are going to work for nothing better than safety?  I want to see where you can take me when we merge our powers, our intent, our souls.  I want to know who we are together.  Bring your full self to me.  Bring me to the edge of oblivion and take me over into the abyss.  I will hold you tight and bring us back.  But to do this, we must both know ourselves and be willing to surrender to the ecstasy.

Courage Required

I know that what I offer scares you.  It has scared many men before you.  But you have the potential to withstand the fear and come out the other side stronger and better for the experience.  I need you in your power so that you can hold me in mine.  It won’t be safe.  Sometimes it won’t be pretty.  But it will be intense and intimate and connected and… Divine.

This is why you want a Goddess.  So that she can call you into your God-self.

I’m calling.  Do you have the strength and courage to answer?

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valueQuestioning The Value of Sexual Empowerment

I recently put a post on my Facebook page asking what people would like to know about sexual empowerment and this was a question I received.  My answer was too long for a response in the comments section, so I’m putting it here on my blog.

“Why does that kind of empowerment lead to the underbelly of life experience? Why is there so much crime, violence, greed, and misogyny behind certain types sexual empowerment?”

What a great question!  I love this question for many reasons.  

  1. First, it goes to the heart of our assumptions about sex.
  2. Second because it exposes common misconceptions about empowerment.
  3. Third because it steps into our issues around women and victimization.
  4. And finally, it exposes the fact that the definition of sexual empowerment is generally misunderstood.

(Now you know why my answer was too long for Facebook.)

The Difference Between The Sex Trade and Sexual Empowerment

True sexual empowerment includes the empowerment of all the people involved in the experience.  This means that sex workers who are not there by choice, are not empowered.  If they are not allowed to create their own work environments through choice or union involvement, if they are not in control of who they choose to serve, if they are placed in environments where their health is at risk, then they are not empowered.  If, however, a person decides of their own free will to be a sex worker because it is something that they do well and is their calling in life, and they work in a healthy environment with as many health protections as can reasonably be expected, they are sexually empowered.  It’s not about the sex.  It’s about where the power lies.  If it is within the individual, then there is empowerment.  If the power is being wielded over others, then there isn’t empowerment.

Sex and Victimization Don’t Go Hand in Hand

There is violence and greed in the world.  They exist.  There is also misogyny.  They do tend to come out more often in the arenas surrounding sex, but I will put it to you that this is not because sex breeds these things, but rather because we don’t as a culture provide any protections for the people in these fields, so they are easier targets.  There is also less concern if a sex worker is injured or killed by a predator because they are considered to have “deserved it” in some way.  They are the untouchables of our society.  This doesn’t mean that their industry causes these things, only that they are a magnet to predators because there is less chance of retribution if the predators hunt in those hunting grounds. I used to be a real estate agent many years ago.  I bet you didn’t know this, but one of the things that real estate agents have to be careful of is predators meeting them at houses.  Think about it.  You’re going into an empty house with a stranger.  Talk about easy prey.  And every year real estate agents are raped and murdered by “potential clients”.  It isn’t because real estate inspires violence.  It’s because the circumstances of their job create an easy hunting ground for those who would do damage.

Vulnerability Doesn’t Engender Victimization

There is also an assumption in our culture that those who allow themselves to be vulnerable are weak and more easily victimized.  We actually have a cultural stigma against vulnerability.  We are more of a warrior-type culture in this way than we’d like to admit – refusing to show our vulnerability in favor of beating our chests and looking powerful (as in potentially violent).  But vulnerability has its own strength, especially when engaged from a place of personal power.  A simple act of vulnerability can shake someone to their very core.  And there is no greater vulnerability that being intimate with someone emotionally and sexually at the same time.  This is why it is so feared and so desired.  We are never as fully seen as we are in this space – something most of us greatly desire – and greatly fear.  We fear that if we expose our soft underbelly that it will get skewered.  And there is always the risk that this will happen.  But if we are standing in our power, the pain will be momentary.  And if it doesn’t happen, the rewards are so much bigger than the pain could ever be.  But this is only true if we have done the work to stand fully in our power.  Until then, the pain holds much more sway over us and we miss out on the benefits.

What IS Sexual Empowerment?

And that bring me to our last point in this conversation which is the question of how to define sexual empowerment.  Each time I write a definition, I come back to the heart of the energy of the work.  And each time, it comes from a different perspective, so as you search the site, you may find multiple definitions of sexual empowerment, and that is on purpose.  Sex is a multi-faceted topic as are we as individuals multi-faceted people.  So no one definition will do.  Today, I will define it thusly: Definition of Sexual Empowerment:  The luscious embracing of your physical nature and stripping bare of your self to another person(s) in intimate connection from a place of strength and sharing rather than from a place of fear and dread.

If you’d like to step more fully into your own personal power and bring it into form in your physical (sexual) world, I am available for private coaching sessions


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Thumbnail image for Personal Power:  Why You Can’t Make a Spiritual Impact On The Physical World

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